Espoir de Porcelaine
by mhmCullen
Summary: I was lying on the floor, limp. I couldn’t move any part of my body, and I could smell the blood. It was disgusting, musty and muddy. One weak ago, I was just waiting for death take me, and now I was waiting for life to want me. BPOV & EPOV
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

I was lying on the floor, limp. I couldn't move any part of my body, and I could smell the blood. It was disgusting, musty and muddy. I could feel it slowly caress my body, coming from my mouth but slowly creasing up to my chin, to my throat. The hotness of it repulsed me, as I laid against the cold marble.

They could simply let me out in the trash. They could just get rid of me, but Phil prefered torturing me. Maybe it humored him to see me die in the inside? Maybe broking my body, and my mind was exhilirating for him?

I let out a quivering sigh. No one had stayed, after Phil had exploded with rage on me. They had fled the crime scene, fled what they should do. My mother had watch, appalled but not doing anything. She was as weak as me.

In no case did he hurt her, ever. I made sure of that. But my mother had always been simple minded, if I dare say. And she had done quite stupidities, and had a lot of debts, because how could my mom say no to some Chanel shoes? And why not go around the world? Oh, and what about this beautiful loft she found in Hawaii? She loved buying, and it had been the end for her.

It sounded lame, and stupid. But you had to know and have met her to understand. She was a child in the body of an adult. She wasn't seeing the consequences to her actions. She only saw that it made her happy, so it was good.

And then, just when she thought about suicide, because she had no more money, and a lot of threats came her way, Phil entered her life. For her, he was like a ray of sunshine, there to help her and make her see through the tunnel. He had cleared her debts, with all of his money. We had moved to Forks, and he was a celebrity for them.

Phil, in fact, played baseball. He was well known, and had a lot of money, and everybody here thought his coming was just _oh-so-splendid._ The tourism augmented, everybody was interested in this little town.

So, if you really think about it, Phil was making everybody happy. But what about me? What about the fact that he beat the shit out of me whenever he felt like to? My mom wouldn't do anything, because she had a contract with Phil. If they divorced, he would have everything, plus what he gave her. She would return to all her debts. She couldn't even foreshadow it, it was that horrifying for her.

So, everytime I'd get hit, she'd look at me with pleadful eyes. She needed me to endure it, just enough for her to find another solution. But I was no fool, I knew there weren't any other solution. Either my mom was assuming her mistakes, either I'd endure. And it was the second choice that was much more probable to happen.

The other person who could have helped me was my step sister, Tanya. But she would never. If I wasn't there, who would take my place? And her body, and face, and make-up was far too precious to even be touch. In fact, Tanya was kind of a bitch, always insulting me and bringing me down. But really, she was nothing compared to the damage that caused her father.

It was irremediable.

And just then, I thought of him. We had never really talked, but we had an agreement. I would cover up for him, and he for me. Because we were always late, because we were both fucked up.

I didn't know what was the deal with him, and I don't know if he really knew mine, but we had seen through each others eyes. I was broken, and he was too. It was all it had taken for us to begin help each other out.

I thought of how his shiny hair were always all over the place, in disarray. I thought of his crooked smile, that I had not seen often. I thought of his dark jacket, that hung perfectly on him. I thought of how he always needed to smoke, and how sexy it looked when he did. I thought of how I imagined, once, being a cigarette and how I would like it.

And as unconsciouness took me, I smiled.

If only I could die, just this once.

_

**EPOV**

I was in the street, during my break, looking at the moon. My hand came restlessly to my mouth, with a cigarette in hold. Nothing could compare to the feeling of relief I felt whenever the smoke would invade myself, caress my every fiber. It was my sin, and what a beautiful one. It was committing suicide silently, slowly. It was intoxicating yourself intentionally.

The sky was clear, for once, and I hummed in sync with the radio. Some shit like Damien Rice, and it make me smile. It made me thought of Bella, and of how she was so beautiful in every senses of the term.

I could remember how one day, without me knowing, she had covered my absence, saying I was seeing the doctor. In fact, I was sleeping in my car, because I had work till 5 AM. Since then, we always shared something. We would come up with excuses for each other. It wasn't really a relationship, I wouldn't even dare say we were friends, but there was still a little something. Some protectiveness.

But Bella was broken. It was heartbreaking to look into her eyes, to see the pool of hurt that was there, and the depth of it.

And I knew her step father hit her. And I knew her mother did nothing. And I knew she was fucking dying inside. But what could I do? We never talked. So I tried to convey every good feeling I had in small gestures, like smiles and stares.

It wasn't enough, and I wasn't fooling myself. She didn't want help. She didn't talk to anybody. She was fucking stubborn. But it wasn't my fight. If she'd asked for my help, I would give it to her right away, but she was strong.

She would endure the pain, she would take the insults at school, she would take every shit that life threw her way, and she would take it all in. Because Bella was the strongest person I knew, because she was so beautiful.

And my thoughts grew more lustful, as I thought about how just a glimpse of her body would make me go crazy. It was laughable, really, the effect this girl had on me, and it was the reason I couldn't be close to her. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. Not that I would ever force myself on her, ever, but something in me told me she wouldn't stop me.

Maybe it was all the held stare we shared, or how she had a smile just for me. It was different then when she smiled to others, when it was forced. With me it was genuine, and it would make my day.

And I thought of her shiny hair, always bouncing around. I thought of her _porcelaine_ skin, looking so breakable, but at the same time so foreign, untouchable. I then remebered myself of the forms she was hiding, of the flame in her eyes that was just dying to be out.

She was everything I had ever hoped for. And that was the reason why I would never let myself succumb. I would hurt her, I wouldn't be enough for her, and that would kill me. To know that I'd put her in more pain, that I wouldn't be able to make her wholy happy would simply destroy me.

So I would just watch for afar, see what she would let me.

And right now, the silence outside my car, the darkness of the night and the way the stars shined hypocritally made me winced. Because in that instant, I was pretty sure whe was being hit. Because the silence was muffling her cries, because the darkness was hiding her bruises, because the stars that were supposed to look after her, forgot her.

And with that, I realise how fucking obsessive I was. I always thought about her, it wasn't sane. It was eating me away, that she was in pain, and that I didn't know shit what I should do.

By then, my smoke was out, as was my break, and I had to go back to work. To real life, and let Bella in the back of my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

EPOV

School was the most boring thing to me, but I needed it. I had ambition, I wanted to become something real big, like a doctor. I wouldn't let myself become nothing, let others walk all over me. I'd make money, be out of this shit and prove the Masen's weren't all slobs.

But, really, it wasn't all. The fact that my father was a drunk wasn't why I wanted that much a great job. I wanted one to support my future family, to live the life I've always dreamed about, to not have any restrictions.

And then, about school, there was Bella. It was the only time where I saw her, and I could judge the treatment she had had the day before. So I looked, and looked, and never found her. I saw Tanya, her stupid step sister, laughing with all her friends, not bothering with all the shit that Bella had to endure for her to be so carefree.

Hyprocrisy was the worst shit for me, and from the time I knew Bella, I knew the town was full of it. How could they not see? The bruises, barely covered with make-up, the dead eyes, the winces whenever she got touch?

They were blinding themselves, because they liked Phil. And fuck, if I was Bella, that would hurt deep. People prefered money and celebrity to lives. I knew Bella could not endure that for a long time, that one day, it would be the last, and that's why I needed to see her whenever I was at school. I wanted a proof that she was still alive.

I, myself, was barely there. I had had no time to sleep, nor to eat, so I had difficulty even staying up. I had to, it was the routine of my life, being all crap, weak, and to have to endure it. In school, I was unattainable, because if anybody talked to me, they would go the other way quickly. I didn't want to socialize, I hated everybody here.

They were too shallow, too much in there little bubble. They didn't see all the hurt that was going on around them, they didn't understand. They thought I thought myself better than any of them, that they were just a _décor_ to my life.

And it was true. All of them were nothing to me, but Bella. Because she saw life like me, because she was fucked up like me, because she was strong. I needed her to continue, to see that even people worst off then myself could hope for a brighter future. I knew her condition was worst then mine, I wasn't being hit or whatever.

I had to supply for my father, and myself, with a night job while going at school. True, it wasn't easy, because I had no money to eat, all of it was going into alcohol for my father, or cigarettes. One meal a day was exhilirating for me.

But Bella, she had to endure the hits, the indifference of everyone around her. She had to look at her mother not helping her, to hear her bones crack. She had to come to school, even if she hadn't sleep because of the pain. Her condition was far worst then mine, so I couldn't just complain about my life, because it was kinda good compared to hers.

After 10 minutes of searching, I found her. She was a broken angel. Her lips had a big slit, and the marks of yesterday's rage was difficult to hide. Her eyes were glassy, her every limps seemed difficult to bring forward. And nobody saw it, because they didn't care looking.

She looked at me, and smiled my favorite smile. And I smiled too, because it was all I could do. She was trying to reassure me, to show me that even if her body was broken, her mind wasn't. She was still the same Bella. But how could she? The darkness was crawling inside her slowly, and I was seeing it live. She wasn't alright, she would never be again.

We had biology to begin with, and it was the only class we had together. It was the class where we would cover for each other. She was sitting next to me. Her eyes seemed in another world. It was like she wasn't really there.

Her body had difficulty staying up, and her lids wanted to closed.

My heart wanted to burst, because life wasn't fucking fair. She hadn't done anything to deserve that, she sould be in heaven, happy and free. And that's what was going to happen, because she wouldn't live enough to go to hell. She'd be an angel, surely. Maybe God's favorite. She was so pure.

And so, when lunch came, I was worried to death. Because her situation seemed much more difficult, and much more at the end than what I thought. My dad had been a doctor, before being hurt so much he became a drunk. He had been a really talented surgeon, and when I was a kid he had tought me some stuff. Maybe Bella had had a coma, and if she did, she was suppose to be in the hospital. Not in fucking school.

I found her at lunch, on a bench. She was looking straight ahead, to nothing, and her eyes were full of tears she wouldn't let fall down. Her hands were clasped tightly around her knees, in foetal position.

A burts of courage came to me, and I approach her. I took her hand, without talking, and brought her to my car. She didn't say anything, didn't question me. I could have been a fucking psycopath willing to kill her, but she didn't protest. Because she was that close to death anyway, one way or another, what's the deal, right?

I opened her door, went to my seat, and put on some music. I don't really know what it was, I didn't really care. She seemed to relaxed, and she closed her eyes, letting sleep come to her. I wouldn't sleep, I would take care of her, and when time came, I would awake her to go back to school. But I would give her this break, this little time where she could just do nothing, and not be afraid. I would protect her, for this tiny moment.

Jut when I thought sleep had had the best of her, she opened her mouth.

"Why do you do that?". It was simple enough, really, but the answer was much more complicated.

How could I tell her I wanted to protect her, even if I didn't know her. How could I tell her I felt she was the only one who could understand me? I couldn't.

"My father was a doctor, so I know your state isn't really good. Sleep, while you can." A little white lie.

Because while life had taught me to lie, life had taught her to die.

"Thanks." She went to sleep.

And she was beautiful, just like I knew. And strong, just like I saw. She seemed so in peace, in my car, with me beside her. This scenery made me hope. Maybe I could come out of this shit, maybe Bella would survive the hits. Maybe we could be friends, we could help each other out.

I sighed. It wasn't really plausible. I was going straight to hell, because I was fucking helping my father getting alcohol. Because I was fucking smoking. Because I never helped anybody, and I didn't give shit about anybody. Because I had a fucking difficult time believing in God, while having a broken angel next to me.

How could He do that? Why would He let people die, let wars kill families? If He had the power, what did He wait for?

Bella interrupted my thoughts. She was crying. It made me fucking gasped, because I had never seen her cry.

"Why don't you stop? What have I done?"

And the sobs came, and she was fucking trashing in the seat next to me.

And I watched in horror. When she could sleep, when the pain was bearable, the nightmares wouldn't let her be in peace. No doubt she was fucking tired, that she was as weak as me, she couldn't fucking sleep.

"Bella, wake up. Come one Bella!" I practically yelled.

And she woke up, and looked at me and smile. And I began to resent this smile, because it was hiding the truth. This smile was saying it's all okay, don't worry, while it wasn't. And fuck, I hated it.

"We have to go back to school, Edward…", and with that she opened the door and went to her next class.

I could have been hurt she didn't thank me, that she did as if it was nothing, but I knew better. She was fucking angry with herself for letting someone see her in her weakness. It was sure. And she was fucking shy to have let it all come down on me. And fuck, that hurt. It hurt to know she wasn't sure she could trust me, but I understood, because if I was at her place, I would just punch anybody who came near me.


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

I don't know what happened, but what I do know is that I shouldn't have done it. As I exited the Volvo, I heard him sigh profoundly. Why had he done it? Did he want to bring our non-existent relationship to the next level?

But something he said stayed in my mind. His dad was a doctor. That would help. He wasn't home nights, I think, since he didn't sleep, so I could go see his father and ask for his help. Maybe he wasn't a fucking asshole like the other doctors in this town.

With that little hope, I made my day, even if a headache was eating me. Even if the bruises were hurting like hell. Even if I thought my arm was broken. Because tonight, maybe I would have an ally.

…

As the darkness invade my house, and the night sang its melody, I escaped my dungeon. I had to be extra quiet, to not awake Phil or any of my persecutors, as I call them. I made my way in the night, not seeing clearly where I went.

Finally, I was in front of a beautiful house. The grass was unkempt, and the vegetation seemed to reign over everything, but the house still had something comforting in it. A light was on, so I made my way to the door.

I knocked three times, when a man opened to me. He was in some jogging, and didn't have a shirt on. His hair were all over the place, just like his son's. He reeked alcohol, and his eyes held all the sadness of the world.

"Who the fuck are you?", he said in a raspy voice.

"Uh, hi! Mmh, I heard you were a doctor, and I just wanted you to look at one of my injury…". Wow, I hadn't thought about his reacion.

"Go to the fucking hospital!" And as he closed the door, I had to say it.

"I don't trust them."

He looked at me with wide skeptical eyes, and let me enter.

_

**EPOV**

Bella seemed much better when I saw her at lunch, today, she had a homemade cast, and her eyes were alight with something new. Hope? I don't know, but it made me fucking happy. I approach her silently.

"What about we go to my car again?". It was a bit blunt from me, but I swear my happiness was getting the best of me, even if the sleep deprevation was eating me alive. I had tried to sleep in all my class this morning, but no teacher let me sleep for more than 5 minutes straight.

She nodded, and followed me again to my car. I still opened the door for her, and she slid in my car with grace.

Once I was in, I fucking let my head fall back and I closed my eyes. I wouldn't sleep, but just a little 5 seconds would do me good.

"Sleep Edward, your turn." And she smiled, and I was in Lala land.

I felt something soft caress my face, and a foreign voice call to me. I wouldn't let myself open my eyes, because the feeling of it was much too comforting. It was so good, so delicate.

"Edward…", a soft whisper.

A laugh came, too.

"I know you're awake now, open your eyes!", still laughing, and I opened my eyes like the voice commanded.

Bella's face was near mine, and she looked at me with an amused expression. Her beautiful smile was there, and it didn't seemed to hide any pain. I just stayed there, gazing into her eyes. She was so beautiful, like no woman ever could.

"How did you get your cast?", and just as I said it, I regretted it. Because her eyes were looking everywhere but at me, and she was fucking uncomfortable.

"Sorry, I didn't meant to pry it's just that…" I trailed off.

"S'okay. I asked someone to help me."

She obviously didn't want to tell me. Okay, I could live with that.

"I'll take a smoke, and we can to in class after."

She nodded, and we exited the car. And while I smoke, and that calm and relief entered me, she watched. Her eyes would go from my fingers, to my mouth, and she would bit her bottom lip, and it would drive me crazy. What was she thinking about?

I quickly finished it, because I couldn't stand her stares, and we went to school. Unlike yesterday, we entered school together, and separated with a wide smile. It didn't go unnoticed. People began to talk. I didn't care. I had had some sleep, and had been awoken by an angel. What could I ask more?

Next day was better for me, because my boss had let me go early. I had slept a good 4 hours, and felt better than I had for the last month. Bella surely had something to do with that. Anyway.

Lunch came quickly, and I went to her, like the past two days. Maybe it would be our next routine. That thought made me smile, I wouldn't be opposed to it, really.

When she saw me, she followed me, but the fucking smile that hide her hurt was back again, and it made me furious. What was the fucking problem, today? Couldn't we pass two days of peace? There wasn't any new bruises, well that I could see, and she didn't seem in a lot of pain. What was going on?

"So, what about your day?", I tried to say casually, once we were in my car.

"Nothing important…", she was still hiding.

And I stayed silence, because it infuriated me. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what was going on.

"You know gossip goes quite rapidly…"she trailed off mysteriously.

"Yeah…", what the fuck is she talking about?

"It's just that some people saw us, and everybody seems to talk about it today. No big deal." There was more, I knew there was, but I didn't really know what.

And so, the routine continue, for 3 days, without any incidents. Three fucking days, and fate was coming back on us. We couldn't be happy and carefree, could we?

When we exited my car, this time, and entered school, people whispered a lot.

"How much did you pay for him to sleep with you?"

Bella blanked.

"What?", it was a bare whisper coming from her lips.

"Are you mentally challenged or what? I said, how much did you pay?"

My anger fucking boiled, than exploded. I hit the guy straight in the face. How did he dare say that? Fuck people they were all fucking animals waiting for someone weaker to bring down. And fuck, it wouldn't be Bella anymore.

After three punches, I heard it. The screams of Bella. She fucking screamed at me to stop because I was hitting this motherfucker. When I turned to her, I understand. The violence, the hits, the bruises, it wasn't new to her. She was fucking reliving what awaited her at home. And I felt like shit, because I was making my Bella feel bad.

"Fuck Bella, I'm sorry, don't cry!", and I took her in my arms, in front of everybody. And everybody fucking just gasped. Wasn't I suppose to have no feelings? Wasn't she just another freak? Nobody understood. They could never phatom what we had.

And just when Bella calmed down, I saw her step sister. Jealousy was flaming into her eyes, because she had always tried to sleep with me, and had never obtained what she wanted. She was just a fucking bitch, no way I was going that low for a fuck. And, might I had, I had quite brought her done, insulting her and saying she was just shit in front of anyone. In my defense? It really was a bad day.

And just before turning away, she smirked. She fucking smirked, because she knew how to make Bella and I pay back.

Phil.


End file.
